officialdogblog:

procrastinators are able to do 30 minutes of work in 8 hours and 8 hours of work in the 30 minutes before it’s due

babyeridan:

my english teacher in 9th grade used to put prompts up for daily 5 minute writing warmups and one day the prompt was just the word “hippo” and i wrote a page long story in 5 minutes about an underground russian mafia that distributed hippo feces because they discovered that it had euphoric properties similar to marijuana it was like the new opium and rich people paid big money for it but it was illegal in every country and my teacher made me read it out loud to the class

thats-slightly-raven:

My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard. GRAVEyard hahaha enjoy that cyanide milkshake you piece of shit

panicsatdiscos:

“no homo,” i whisper, pulling back from the microscope in front of me. the gene is heterozygous. i am a scientist

laugh-addict:

i hate when people are like “oh it’s no big deal i’m just doodling” and it’s like 

m33wlin:

WE WERE WATCHING THIS MOVIE IN GYM AND THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS LIKE “I’M TIRED AND HUNGRY AND HORNY” AND ME AT THIS OTHER CUTE GUY IN THE BACK JUST BOTH GO “SAME” AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND I WINKED AND EVERYONE WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE BUT I WAS LAUGHING REALLY HARD AND THIS IS WHY I DONT HAVE FRIENDS

funfreacksnc:

babyferaligator:

trying to find a needle in a haystack isnt hard at all like wtf all u gotta do is burn the fuckin hay

u are the future 

bbanditt:

ineedtogotomymindtardis:

satanslittledemiangel:

that-spook-from-london:

foodtrucker:

the invention of the shovel was ground breaking

but the invention of the broom was the one that truly swept the nation.

on the contrary soap washed away the competition  

and the invention of the CD broke a lot of records.

yo the invention of bread was pretty kick ass

deidaracchi:

today in science we had this sub nd the other people went outside so it was just me and a couple friends so we flipped all the chairs upside down and formed a satanic star in the middle of the room w yard sticks and i laid in t he middle of th floor while all the other people acted like they were sacrificing me th en the sub came in and the only thing he said was “oh not again”

bbanditt:

assiest:

wtf is an acronym 

that’s an initialism not an acronym bitch

westbor0baptistchurch:

*attends your wedding wearing a tuxedo t-shirt*